Friday, 27 January 2017

Companionship And The Deep Flame

Two people meet and they instantly feel connected. With a deep desire to always want to be around one another. They both feel their hearts to beat together. They 'feel' each other’s warmth from thousands of kilometers away. They both believe all the romantic songs in the world were written just for the two of them. Even the ones written in a language they do not understand. Mornings are not good mornings if a "good morning honey" message was not sent. Not wanting to go out for a gathering if the other is not coming! Hell, if one of them is not well, the other also feels a little sick. After all, there is a deep spiritual connection here. Getting a last-minute message before a party "babe, I cannot make it to the party, have work to do" and the other persons whole world comes crashing down onto that single message: this one might be a mans point of view! If all of this is not too much, both, somehow manage to convince themselves that they are 'soulmates'. Awww!

All of the above is not a relationship, let alone the tittle of this post, companionship.

You beg to differ? Well, obviously you do. You are thinking about the honeymoon period in a relationship. You like that period so much that you probably have managed to convince your self that the entire relationship should be a honeymoon period. And if you or your spouse does not feel that same sense of attraction throughout, then, this is not meant to be. That, for some reason all of a sudden - after all that drama - this person is not your soulmate. Even if you are one of those grounded people to whom flying high - aka honeymoon period - is not required, you both end up taking one another for granted. What happens next? Falling stars come crashing down, BOOM! Its over. Not the world, the relationship. Duh!

Do we all not wish that the honeymoon period would just go on - forever! Let's grow up now shall we. Ah crap! Do we have to? Anyways, fact is, people get used to one another. The spark that initially started this dies out and what is left over is a flame so deep in each other's life that it may just end up being ignored or in other words, be taken for granted. The death of the spark is the start of the downfall of this partnership.

Fights break out over issues as silly as "you do not care for me anymore, no seriously, I feel it from the bottom of my heart. Things are just not the same. Are you having an affair? OMG!" Seriously? Does not care for you? You feel it from the bottom of your heart? Where exactly is that? People fail to see that there is a flame deep inside each of them. It was started by the initial spark. The problem is, the flame is so deep inside, that people often do not sense its presence. Something like the core of the earth. It's there, and its hot. But you do not feel it! Thank god! This flame, is nothing else but care, love and affection towards the other. It is so deep and hot that when challenged by a third person it is capable of being an arsonist bitch. All you need to do, is fan it a little!

Okay, let's get to the point here. The approach I am thinking of is the more sustainable approach to this partnership - companionship. Companionship, is all about two incomplete individuals with their own set of problems and aspirations who decide to stick together, against all the odds. Read this line again, and emphasis on the word 'against all the odds'.

It’s an alliance forged on the promise of unconditional support. Where you both are there for each other no matter what. You defend each other even in the absence of your better half. It’s a connection that requires no word and a subtle look does the job! Where you are constantly thinking about the others preferences and are willing to make the necessary adjustments for the other; I chose not to use the word sacrifice and rather use the word adjustments, ask me why. Where decisions change in a split second when you hear what, your better half has to say. Where you both always share a side look while in the middle of a gathering. A team, that cannot be divided or ruled upon by anyone else, but the two of you. Where you both take comfort just by knowing the other is there nearby. Where you both look eagerly for your next meeting. Where energy levels reach another height when you both are together. Companionship is built of respect for one another and trust that the other person feels the same. Trust, that needs to be earned.

If he/she takes a step, you take a step. Companionship cannot be one sided. It is built on the principle of mutual co-existence. Achieved only when both the players show interest. By taking an interest in letting the other know "hey! yes, I feel something too!". This is not where the man needs to impress the girl or the girl impress the man. This is where the dots just, I must use this word, magically, connect!

Companionship will also have to start from a spark. A spark that will mark the beginning of the honeymoon period. And its death will mark its end. Just like before, this spark will leave behind that deep flame in both of you. The question is, do you know how to harvest this flame?

In companionship, you both are friends first and lovers later. You both respect each other and treat each other equally. There is no 'man job' or 'woman job' but only 'our job' and that needs to be shared equally. You both give each other's lives equal respect and work as partners to ensure each other's priorities are taken care off. When two incomplete individuals come together to mask or, help overcome each other's incompleteness and help in achieving their respective goals - this is companionship. This - is a team. Its them against the world. And naturally, given the mutual respect and maturity of this relationship, they will find a way to harvest this deep flame and not ignore it.

A boy, looks for love and a man looks for companionship. The man is smart. He knows, companionship comes with love. The difference, in companionship you both are equal partners who need to learn to respect each other. In companionship, you help each other grow in life.

You arrived on this planet alone and you will depart it alone. What is good to have during this journey, is someone who is first; a friend, a mentor, the wisest critic and your lover later. Achieving this requires a change. A change in who you are as a person.


-Anant Agnihotri